You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Houston, we have a squirter
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
