i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude. I can hear the air.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
