did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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