K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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