u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
