A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
