dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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