Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
