Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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