He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
