He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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