So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
