Apparently you make a good broom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
