Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
