she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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