he wants to bone in the snuggie
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
