pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
