You can't motorboat a personality
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
