Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
