I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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