He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
