we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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