omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize