carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
