I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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