I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
