Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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