Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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