Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
