Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
