So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
