I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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