What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
