Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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