Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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