I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
