I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
