She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
