if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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