i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
