Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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