Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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