I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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