I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
