i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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