We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
