whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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