well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
