fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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