my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
