If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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