Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
