Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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