NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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