After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
