He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
