Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
