He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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